I tried to learn the guitar once. In fact I have tried to learn it more than once. It has always sat in the corner of one of my rooms..no matter what house I have lived in. I have always had the desire to become fluent in it. The thought of being able to pick it up randomly and start to play as a way to celebrate, to relieve tension or to create, has a certain appeal in it for me. Sporadically I will trim the nails on my left hand, pull out a pick and some handwritten music that has a maximun of 4 chords in it and start to strum away again. I am willing to endure the pain that the strings cause on fresh fingers because I know that it won't be long before those calluses are formed and the pain will go. I persist with the instrument for months. I play chords and start to join chords fluently and yet, despite my desire to master it, there is one thing that always breaks my rhythm!

The bloody F chord!

I have never got that chord out. There's a trick to it that lies beyond my capacity. I tried switching to the bar chord version to see if that would help but.....nope....it's still a shocker! The thing about the F chord is that it's in nearly every piece of music you pick up. Even the easy ones. It's gotta hurt! It's gotta 'P' ya off just quietly! You have this great rhythm going. You're even able to sing along to the tune. You start to even feel like you are getting a handle on the whole guitar thing. And then there it is...that bloody F chord. Right in the middle of your song just to get up your nose and ruin your whole experience. In fact that F chord has always been the reason for me to put the guitar back in the corner of my room and leave it there until I forget how annoying it is and I give it another go.

I have had a lot of "F chords" show up in my life. People or situations that turn up seemingly just to 'P' me off and break my rhythm. They are in every organisation that I have ever worked for, and they have this way of getting under your skin. They know how to push your buttons, and they seem to show up in every song that you try to play.

One thing I am glad of is that while I have yet to find the trick to include the F chord in my guitar playing, I have with the help of others, found ways to deal with those F chords that turn up in my life. I have three strategies really:

1. Find those few songs that don't have the F chord.
When I'm at the stage of total frustration, I take some time out and organise my day so that it is F-chord free. I intentionally create some space and design my day to have blocks of time where I don't need to deal with that person or situation that gets under my skin. I give myself permission to get a rhythm going and not have it interupted. Sounds a little exclusive doesn't it? A little harsh? But the reality for me is that if I take that time out I am in such a better space to keep working at those situations that require the F chord to be there. I'm not judging, I'm simply choosing to honour my need for space and taking that up as an option when it is an option.

2. Play the song anyway no matter how it sounds.
There are always occasions where avoiding the F chord is not an option. They are in the team that you are in. They are a client that you must service. They are your boss that oversees your work. They are IN your world. In these situations I play the song...F chord and all. Most times it's messy. It is usually ugly and extremely frustrating and yet, the more I play it the less horrible it sounds. The less 'choppy' the rhythm. In fact, there are even occasions where it actually sounds alright!

3. Get accompaniment.
There's a lot of talented people out there who can play the F chord and play it well. In fact I've had the experience of playing with some of these people. What a wonderful experience! These people have the capacity to cover over your flaws in playing and to make even the dodgiest player sound really good.

I have begun to understand the wonder of our "differentness". Not everybody has that same 'allergic reaction' to those annoying people in your life. They have their own F chords but they aren't the same as yours. In fact I have found that there is always someone in your organisation that actually likes those people! They're the ones that I get to assist me. They have the capacity to work with them and they make the song sound good. They draw out the best in that person in a way that you never could, and they ease the burden on you. I need those people in my world to accompany me in a way that softens the edges between myself and my annoyances and to make the song sound bearable.

These strategies certainly have worked a treat for me. They help me to co-exist with those people whose pure presence annoys me. There is however something else that has made a difference to the way that I "BE" around my personal F chords...

I choose to change my position on how I view these people. I stop elevating myself above them and stand equal to them. Rather than focus on our "differentness", I choose to seek out our "sameness". So what is it that we have in common? Just the one thing really - our human-ness. We are both out in life living it the best way we know how, with the tools that we currently have on us. At the end of the day they just want what I want - acceptance, connection, a sense of achievement, a feeling that they are ok, room to create, to be known and loved.....a sense that who they are in life is enough. When I look from that perspective I see that that bloody F chord isn't actually out trying just to "P" me off. They are out trying to have their own needs met...just like I am...and when I see it like that I can actually make room for both compassion and understanding to enter in to the equation.